Two sisters from Morris write book on mentally ill kids

DENVILLE Two of Morris County’s native daughters — Mary and Elin Widdifield — returned Monday to speak at the St. Francis Residential Community to some 75 people whose lives have been touched by mental illness.

The sisters, who grew up in Long Valley and Chester, talked about their new book, “Behind the Wall: The True Story of Mental Illness as Told by Parents” (Langdon Street Press).

“It’s a collection of stories by parents from various parts of the country whose adult children have serious mental illness,” said Elin Widdifield of North Carolina, a therapist whose son, known as Joseph for purposes of publicity, was diagnosed with bipolar disorder and substance use.

To have these co-occurring disorders is common, according to The National Bureau of Economic Research, which reports that people with an existing mental illness consume 38 percent of all alcohol, 44 percent of all cocaine and 40 percent of all cigarettes.

“I helped a lot of families, but it wasn’t until many years later when my own son was diagnosed that I realized I knew nothing,” Elin Widdifield said. “What goes on behind the walls of people’s homes, they do not tell their therapist. They do not tell their psychiatrist. They do not tell their neighbors. There is so much chaos that goes on. There’s so much grief that goes on.”

‘A jagged journey’

At the event, organized by the Morris County chapter of the National Alliance on Mental Illness, the sisters had a clear message: Recovery is possible but only after what Elin Widdifield called “a horrible, jagged journey.”

The sisters wrote the book, which includes carefully vetted resources, as a gift of presence for families on that journey. It’s a time, they said, when most people back away and there can even be fracturing within a family.

“We saw that sometimes one parent was not getting support from a spouse and, often, not from their families,” said Mary Widdifield of California. “What was remarkable when Joseph became ill is that Elin and her husband knew instinctively how to get support. Maybe it’s because we’re a close family.

“They reached out to us immediately in an email,” she said, “and wrote in a dispassionate, matter-of-fact way: ‘Our son is unwell. He’s getting treatment. We may not be doing the right thing, but this is what we think based on what we know.’”

That email enabled the whole family to accept the illness sooner, Mary Widdifield said, and to support Joseph better because they knew how.

In their book, the sisters tell the stories of different kinds of families, from traditional parents to same-sex partners. Some families were educated; others were less so. All their circumstances were different and yet, Elin Widdifield said, the same themes surfaced everywhere: grief, chaos, concerns with HIPAA privacy laws, medication, guilt, coping.

Research to make informed decisions is key for families, she said, but it’s not enough.

Stories heal

“I imagine you know that stories heal,” Elin Widdifield told the crowd. “This is the idea we had — that stories will help people to feel less isolated, less stigmatized. Giving people the right information to bust the stigma: this is what our hope is for our book.”

The sisters credited their late “great-uncle Larry,” known to the rest of the world as Dr. Lawrence Collins, a prominent psychiatrist at Greystone Park Psychiatric Hospital in the early 20th century, with sensitizing them to mental illness. Collins also helped found the New Jersey Psychiatric Association in 1935.

Listening to their great-uncle speak compassionately about mental illness influenced both sisters, said Mary Widdifield, a grant writer for nonprofits and a writer of fiction and essays. The New Jersey Psychiatric Association, she noted, was one of the first organizations to recognize substance use as an illness that could be treated.

Those who attended asked a range of questions, which led to an ongoing dialogue that included how strong feelings can overpower thought in bipolar disorder; anosognosia, a condition in which mentally ill people do not realize they are ill; self-injury and suicide; and former Rep. Patrick Kennedy’s support of research on how all brain disorders are connected.

The 30-year-old Morris County chapter of NAMI has 200 members, according to its president, Sudhir Jain of East Hanover, a retired businessman. It runs a free, local, 12-week Family-to-Family Education program for family caregivers of individuals with severe mental illnesses.

More than 300,000 families have participated in this NAMI program nationwide.

“I am trying to make awareness in the society that there is a grassroots organization here that can help,” Jain said. “It’s not just the person who is suffering with the illness. It’s the family. My daughter is bipolar, and we have done a lot of research in the last 10 years.”

In all that time, he said, he found NAMI to be the most crucial connection his family made.

Staff Wrtier Lorraine Ash: 973-428-6660; lash@dailyrecord.com

Learn more

•BOOK: “Behind the Wall: The True Story of Mental Illness as Told by Parents,” by Mary and Elin Widdifield, www.behindthewallstories.com

•COURSE: “The Fundamentals of Caring for You, Your Family and Your Child with Mental Illness,” 6:30 p.m. Thursdays Oct. 1-Nov. 12, Notre Dame of Mount Carmel, 75 Ridgedale Ave., Cedar Knolls. Information and registration with Morris County NAMI: Carol McGough, 973-680-1603 or Beth Vecchio, 973-449-5750.

•ORGANIZATION: National Alliance on Mental Illness, Morris County Chapter, www.naminj.org/support/affiliates/morris